


Something To Get Off My Chest

by patronsaintofdirtyfilthylovers



Series: Just Let Me Hold You [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 12:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1605596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patronsaintofdirtyfilthylovers/pseuds/patronsaintofdirtyfilthylovers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was something he had to tell Rin. Something substantial he had been putting off because even Nitori himself didn’t like to think about. He had no idea how the other boy would react and although Rin seemed more in control of his ire now, it worried Nitori deeply.</p><p>Basically just a small piece of my trans!Nitori headcanon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something To Get Off My Chest

Nitori was sitting upright on his bunk, his DS clutched loosely in both hands. The light from the game glowed pale yellow, illuminating his face and catching in his silver hair. It beeped at him, prompting him to make some action but Nitori’s attention was not on the game but instead on the boy sitting just across the room. Turquoise eyes watched as Rin bent over a textbook lying open on his desk. He had, until very recently, been studying but now he appeared to be daydreaming, and quite deeply at that. His head rested heavily in the palm of one hand, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes half-lidded with weariness. Nitori felt a tiny smile pick at the corners of his lips. Rin was, generally, a very harsh person, prone to explosive outbursts and uncontrolled fits of what Nitori liked to think of as ‘passion’. Even his red hair seemed to embody this fieriness and even though Nitori loved every bit of that intensity, he had to admit it was awfully refreshing to see him mellowed out like that.

As Nitori watched, Rin’s cheek began to slip from his palm enough to jolted himself awake and he began to wonder how he had ever even managed to procure someone as magnificent as Rin. The pair had been dating for nearly a month now. After nationals, the roommates had started to get closer. Rin’s violent tantrums occurred less often and were instead replaced by moments of tenderness. It started slowly, a soda left innocently on the mess of Nitori’s desk, but it grew rapidly, an arm draped over Nitori’s shoulder as they watched tv or an uncomfortably tight goodbye hug. He would deny it, of course, whenever Nitori asked why he was being so nice. Just click his tongue and saunter away like he hadn’t time for such foolish questions. Even so, it wasn’t long before Rin was finally stuttering a sloppy confession and the two shared an eager, if not slightly awkward, first kiss.

That had been one of the happiest days of his life. Nitori had been crushing on Rin since he had first laid eyes on him, well before he had even understood what a crush really was in the first place. It was just a small fluttering in his stomach back then, so slight Nitori could easily justify it as mere platonic respect. His feelings apparently had not faded in all those years apart, though. They only continued to grow stronger as they spent time together, both on the swim team and as roommates, until what he felt could no longer be justly classified as pure friendly admiration.

To finally have those feeling reciprocated after all that time had been better than anything young Nitori could ever imagine. He smiled fondly at the memory but that smile faded quickly as he remembered what he had to do. There was a reason he couldn’t concentrate on his game. There was something he had to tell Rin. Something substantial he had been putting off because even Nitori himself didn’t like to think about. He had no idea how the other boy would react and although Rin seemed more in control of his ire now, it worried Nitori deeply. Not that he was at all scared Rin would hurt him, he might be forceful but he wasn’t cruel and Nitori trusted him completely. He was afraid, however, that Rin would let his foul temper get the better of him and never give Nitori a chance to explain himself. As much as he wanted to just forget the whole thing, he knew couldn’t keep his secret forever, especially now that things between the two boys were starting to get serious. The longer he waited, the worse it would be. He just had to do it. Nitori took a deep breath and closed his unused gaming device with a small click. 

“H-Hey, Senpai.” He called softly. “Can we talk?”

“Ai, I’m trying to study.” Rin lamented, apparently unaware that Nitori had been watching him drift in and out of consciousness for the last fifteen minutes. He turned around to look up at the grey-haired boy, his face was as severe as ever but his eyes gave away that he was looking for any excuse to put away the books for the night. “And I told you to knock off the ‘Senpai’ stuff. We’ve been going out for a month. I think it’s pretty safe to start calling me by my first name.”

“Right, okay.” Nitori let his voice taper off and Rin turned back to his book. He let the silence settle in around them, the only sound was the gentle flutter of pages as Rin turned them much too quickly to actually be reading. Nitori placated Rin’s delusion of studying for a long moment before he had to interrupt him again. “So, can we?”

Rin let out an exaggerated groan before letting his head fall onto his book with a thud. “Sure, why the hell not? Clearly I’m not studying anymore tonight.”

“Okay,” Nitori sat up, suddenly very shy. “…Promise not to get mad?”

“I’m already mad! You keep distracting m-” Rin stopped and sat back up, head cocked behind him to glare into Nitori’s face. “Wait, why would I be mad?”

“N-No reason..” Nitori tapped the railing of his bed anxiously. “I just.. We’ve been going out for a while and.. I need to come clean about something.”

“Oh, God.” Rin rubbed his temples. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Nitori assured him. His gaze dropped to the floor as he felt his cheeks grow red hot. When he spoke again, his words were scarcely more than a whisper. “It’s really important though. You just have to promise you won’t hate me.”

Rin sighed, seeming to understand how uncomfortable Nitori was. “I won’t hate you, dummy. Come on, out with it.”

“O-Okay.” Nitori took a deep breath, closed his eyes and blurted it out in the only way he knew how, loudly and all at once, “IWASBORNFEMALE!”

Rin blinked once, twice and then, “What?”

“I.. Was born as a girl.” Nitori repeated, much slower. His heart was beating out of control. He knew all too well that coming out was hard, he had done it plenty of times to his friends and family. He had even come out to Rin before. About being gay. It had been so much easier back then, though, before he had fallen so hard. It hadn’t mattered as much.

“Really?” Rin asked in a voice that was more amused than anything else.

Nitori nodded. He could hear his voice shaking as he replied, “It just never felt right, being a girl. I use to, uh, hate myself a lot for it but, I guess I’m lucky. My parents are really great and they helped me. I-I started transitioning before I started high school here and all my papers say I’m male now too but..” Nitori looked down at his lap. He could feel tears beginning to well up behind his eyes. “You can’t change everything. I know this is a big shock and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. If you hate me now, I understand. I’m so sorry.”

After a moment of brief silence, Rin spoke up in a commanding voice, “Come down here.” Nitori shook his head. “I mean it. Get down here, now!”

Nitori knew refusing Rin would be pointless. The red-haired teen would drag him out of bed if necessary so he climbed down the ladder and stood in front of Rin. He refused to make eye contact, scared of what he would find in Rin’s perfectly angular face, so he stared down at his bare toes, bracing himself for whatever was going to come next.

“You’re really an idiot, you know that?” Rin said. His voice was perfectly neutral. Nitori still stubbornly refused to lift his gaze so it was a surprise to him when a pair of very strong, very familiar arms wrapped around him, pinning his own hands to his side. “I don’t care about any of that stuff. You’re my boyfriend now and that’s all that matters to me and that’s all that should matter to you too.”

Now it was time for Nitori to ask, “R-Really?”

The question came out slightly muffled as Rin’s chest was pressed tightly against the other boys face.

“Yes, you gigantic dork.” Rin relaxed his grip just enough to press one firm kiss to his forehead before letting him go entirely. He staggered over to the bed and collapsed on to it, clearly exhausted. “But if you keep something stupid like that from me again, I’ll lay you out, swear to God.”

Nitori grinned, “Y-Yes, Senpai- Er, I mean, Rin.”

Rin rolled over to face the wall, “Turn off the lights, will you? I’m beat.”

Nitori nodded, despite the fact the Rin couldn’t see him, and ran over to the switch by the door. He stumbled back through the dark and climbed up into his bed. As he laid back, looking up at the darkness above his head, the realization finally started to sink in. It was over, he had done it and best of all, Rin didn’t think of him any differently. Nitori was so giddy with happiness and relief, he found himself trying not to laugh outloud and wake Rin who was most likely already asleep. Unable to contain it anymore, he rolled over so he could look out over the edge of his bed and whisper to the open air, “I love you, Senpai.”

The response was almost immediate, “I love you too but don’t call me Senpai.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, questions, concerns? Send me a message at patronsaintofdirtyfilthylovers.tumblr.com


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